Insider Report: Team USA Practice

Found it!  Web off the grid again.

Considering Team USA’s embarrassing defeat to the Scots just nine months earlier in Texas, the mood was oddly boisterous at the vacation home of USA Captain Chris “Guvna” Hughes in Colorado this week.  “We’re just enjoyin’ each other’s company,” said Guvna. “We’re havin’ some laughs, savorin’ good food and drink, and playin’ a little golf.”

The comradery was off-the-charts.  The golf, on the other hand, was more difficult to measure.

Stephen “Web” Webster continued his inconsistent play.  Knowing he would rarely find a fairway with his erratic driver, Web deployed florescent orange Volvik golf balls to increase his chances of actually locating his tee shots in the rough.  “If he brings those goddam tangerines to Muirfield, I’ll f’ing bench the sumbitch,” said Guvna.

Chris “Cudman” Van Horne spent the off-season working on a longer backswing in an effort to gain more distance.  In Colorado, he found that he had lost 20 yards of distance on his drives.   Cudman was heard shouting invectives to his ball as it barely reached the fairway from the tee at Catamount Club on Sunday.  “Awwwww!  Suck a fat baby’s dick!” proved to be very popular.

James “Sheets” Moreland was imprecise with his iron play, often hitting well behind the ball and gouging huge divots in the fairway.  “I’ve used smaller shootin’ holes when I go duck huntin’,” said John “Atco” Atkins, pointing to Sheets’ enormous divot.

The rematch between Scotland and USA will be played in May 2018 in East Lothian, Scotland.

Team USA at Catamount Club in Colorado