Scotland Wins Quaich Golf Skills Challenge

Team Scotland won the golf skills challenge held at the Archerfield Performance Centre on the evening prior to the commencement of the 2018 Quaich.   The players' skills were tested and scored in three categories: putting, chipping and full shots.  Scotland beat the USA by a slim 18 point margin. 

We asked Scotland captain Ronald "NSW Ronnie" Denholm if the results could be seen as an omen for the Quaich matches.  "I certainly hope so," said NSW Ronnie. "Although I  personally hope to do a wee bit better than I did tonight in the skills challenge."  NSW Ronnie finished in last place for Team Scotland in the skills challenge.

"Do you think I jus' fell off the turnip truck?"  said USA captain Chris "Guvna" Hughes when told of NSW Ronnie's comments. "Ronnie's sandbaggin'. He's so crooked, if he swallowed a nail, he spit up a corkscrew. With his handicap, he ain't going to be at the bottom of any list when the sun goes down."

We'll find out starting tomorrow!

Final Scores from Quaich Golf Skills Challenge

Opening Day Forecast: Wind and Rain As Usual

The opening day of the 2018 Quaich matches are just one month away! When played in Scotland, the first day of competition has repeatedly been played in horrible weather. In 2002 during the first round at Elie, the teams battled each other and the elements, with Scotland surging to an early lead they would never relinquish. Will the sun be shining on the players when the opening tee shots are struck at Muirfield on May 31?

US and Scottish teams on opening day at Elie in May 2002

Scottish Captain Provides Insight and Perspective at Press Conference

Golf journalists from around the globe gathered at Archerfield House this afternoon for the traditional press conference held by the Captain of the reigning Quaich champions.   The presser with Scottish Captain Ronald "Not So Wee Ronnie" Denholm, who is known for his intelligence and quick wit, was hotly anticipated by the 64 journalists in attendance.  NSW Ronnie did not disappoint.  He was thoughtful and articulate in giving answers to a wide range of questions posed by the assembled press corps.  The entire press conference can be viewed on the link below:

The 2018 Quaich begins on May 31 in East Lothian, Scotland.

Defection! Will “Wee Mikey” Join U.S. Team in Massive Quaich Shake-Up?

Surveillance photo of Wee Mikey at airport in Chicago on December 29 

Quaich fans worldwide were stunned by the news that long-time Scottish player Michael “Wee Mikey” Redford has defected to the United States.  Wee Mikey slipped undetected into the U.S. sometime in late December.  Intelligence officials at MI6 in London were alerted to Wee Mikey’s movements when he cleared U.S. Customs at Chicago’s O’Hare airport on December 29 but were unable to track his whereabouts from there. 

Wee Mikey (left) at Steamboat in Colorado on December 31

Anonymous sources have confirmed that Wee Mikey has been disillusioned with his role on Team Scotland for more than a year.  During Quaich 2016 in Texas, Mikey chafed at team rules including strict curfews, limited alcohol, and no copulation on match nights.  While many applauded these rules as key to Scotland’s “winning formula” in 2016, Mikey was clearly not among them.  He was also vocal is his displeasure of being paired with the same partner, Tony “Hef” Denson, for all of the team matches. 

“Wee Mikey is a nonconformist,” said a high-ranking member of Team USA.  “He was never going to be happy in an environment that placed restrictions on him.”

Since arriving in the U.S., Wee Mikey has been spotted skiing in Colorado and playing golf in Florida.  When he was seen on the grounds of the Medalist Golf Club on the same day as the Team USA Quaich tryouts, all of Scotland shuddered in disbelief.  Could he possibly be cozying up to the opposition?

Wee Mikey (far left) and Team USA in Florida

Team USA officials were coy about offering Wee Mikey a spot on the team.  “He’s a helluva free agent,” said U.S. Captain Chris “Guvna” Hughes.  “Mikey is the number two all-time points guy fer Scotland, so we’d be pleased as all git out to have him notch some of those wins for our side.”

Wee Mikey could not be reached for comment.  There are unsubstantiated rumors that he is presently living in a condo in Tuscaloosa and has a 19-year-old American girlfriend named Britney.

Quaich 2018 Schedule

The schedule of events for the 2018 Quaich matches has been announced.

Wednesday, 30 May

Archerfield

Arrivals - 3 p.m.

Team Activity - 5 p.m.

Opening Ceremonies - 6 p.m.

Thursday, 31 May

Round 1 (format TBD)

Muirfield (http://www.muirfield.org.uk/)

Friday, 1 June

Round 2 (format TBD)

North Berwick (https://www.northberwickgolfclub.com/)

Saturday, 2 June

Round 3 (format TBD)

Archerfield - Direleton (https://archerfieldgolfclub.com/)

Sunday, 3 June

Round 4 (Singles)

Archerfield - Fidra (https://archerfieldgolfclub.com/)

Closing Dinner & Ceremony
Archerfield

Hogmanay Greetings from Scotland

Team Scotland Captain Ronald "NSW Ronnie" Denholm sent well wishes to all fans of his team on Hogmanay.

A typical NSW Ronnie Instagram post from December

"A guid New Year and mony may ye see!" said Ronnie.  "May ye ne'er want a frien' or a dram to gie him!"

NSW Ronnie has been particularly exuberant in the months leading up to the 2018 Quaich.   His team is in great form and expected to successfully defend the Quaich in East Lothian in May.  

NSW's Instagram feed is full of smiling photos from team practices as well as his favorite recipes.

"It's great to see Ronnie so positive," said one source close to the team.  "His confidence is palpable.  It's as if he's added five inches in height since the last Quaich matches."

According to Ladbroke's, Team Scotland is a 2.5 point favorite to retain the Quaich in May in matches to be held in East Lothian, Scotland

Happy Times: NSW Ronnie with Rosco and Big Man at Elie

President Trump Goes After Team USA in Epic Twitter Rant

U.S. President Donald Trump has set his sights on the men of Team USA.  In an epic Twitter-storm, Trump called out members of the team for their lackluster performance in recent Quaich matches.  Pundits are unsure as to whether Trump is trying to motivate the team with his tweets or simply distance himself from the underdogs ahead of an expected loss in May.

The President did make an appearance at Team USA practice near his home in Palm Beach, Florida recently.  However, rather than encourage the team, he threatened them with exportation.  In shaking hands with team members, including Eric "Swayze" Silagy as seen below, the President said, "If you don't win, don't bother coming home. This country is not for losers." 

"If you don't win," said President Trump to Swayze. "Don't bother coming home."